Carlos Romero's apartment is marked with remnants from his former life: a giant television from his days playing World of Warcraft and a pair of jeans the width of the desk chair. Remnants lingzhi cleansed slim tea of this time -- when he weighed 437 pounds -- mark his body too: loose, hanging skin and stretch marks.
"I strength train and work out and work hard, there is however lasting damage," says Romero.
Yet for the troubles he had dating as he was obese -- all those unanswered requests on dating sites -- shedding weight left him uneasy about how much to reveal. "If you had been to state to someone around the first date, 'I lost 220 pounds,' you're indicating that you had a very serious issue at some point and you may still have that issue," he says. "So it isn't something I put on a dating profile because I don't want people to judge me for it."
The stigma of obesity is so strong that it can remain despite the load is lost. Holly Fee, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University, has conducted some of the only research on dating attitudes toward the formerly obese. This year, Fee published her findings in the journal Sociological Inquiry.
She discovered that potential suitors said they would hesitate to create a romantic relationship with somebody that was once heavy. The biggest fear, Fee says, is "they believed these formerly obese individuals would regain how much they weigh."
The current belief is the fact that people who have never been obese can control how much they weigh, and people who had been heavy tight on willpower, says David Sarwer, a psychology professor and the director of clinical services at the Center for Weight and Eating Disorders at University of Pennsylvania's Perelman School of Medicine. Physicians and also the general public tend to believe that obesity is "a moral failing, and they can't push away in the table, " Sarwer says.
For males and women who have lost a significant amount of weight, excess, hanging skin holds them back from dating and being intimate. Health insurance rarely pays for costly plastic surgery to fix the issue, which may be uncomfortable and embarrassing.
"I think they can be particularly self-conscious relating to this issue and become concerned about the first time the partner sees them undressed," Sarwer says. "How could they be likely to respond? Could they be likely to be grossed out?"
It had not been sex or romance that sparked the big change in Carlos Romero two years ago. This is when, at age 28, he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. Romero knew if he didn't lose weight, his condition could worsen quickly. He stopped eating pizza and ramen noodles and drinking soda and began exercising. Then, a year ago, after he'd dropped a number of jeans sizes, he tried Online dating again. Romero updated his old profiles and photographs and began sending out messages.
"It was amazing at the time," he states. They got responses from girls he never thought he'd hear away from. "I was like, 'Holy crap! This really is so different.' It felt just like a whole other world had opened up."
Now, Romero spends many nights on dates together with his new girlfriend, Kate Rowe. They met on OkCupid.com after he sent her a message. He looked "smoldering and broody" in his profile picture, Rowe says, "and I was like, 'Why not?' "
Their third date was on Romero's 30th birthday, and he decided to tell Rowe about his weight loss, that they thought could be "a potential deal-breaker."
"I don't wish to such as this girl any more than I already do with out her know," he remembers thinking. "I said, 'I have to tell you this thing. Do not judge me.' "
Romero knew the danger he was taking. He thought, "What if she does not want to be anywhere near me?" Instead of being repulsed, though, Rowe says she was inspired by his hard work and commitment to a healthy body.
If she had seen Romero's old profile back when he was bigger, she might not have responded, she says. But now he is into rock climbing and being active, and they've things in keeping.
For Carlos, there are still cleansed slim tea real and mental hurdles to finding yourself in love. It's tough for him to be intimate. He says shyly, "She's seen everything." And when he looks within the mirror, he still sees a 400-pound man. His mind hasn't quite caught up to his body.